Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy · Scientifically Speaking

A 12 week wait

My husband and I never allowed ourselves to consider life after a positive pregnancy test. We avoided discussions about names, parenting styles and pregnancy announcements. I stopped imagining a pregnant belly the moment I walked into the fertility clinic and realised that I might never experience pregnancy except in warped dreams. Averting my eyes when… Continue reading A 12 week wait

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Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy · Scientifically Speaking

Midstream in the Midlands

It wasn’t just emotion inspired by a progesterone over dosage but emotion inspired by a truly beautiful view from our bedroom. Last weekend, my husband and I went away for a romantic getaway to the Drakensberg (Dragon mountain), a mighty mountain range stretching 1000km across three South African provinces. We stayed in a lakeside cabin… Continue reading Midstream in the Midlands

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

High hopes & expectations – Black holes & revelations

I wouldn’t call it a proper nervous breakdown… no tears have been shed, no chocolates destroyed. It is more of a mini symptom Googling attack, followed by fluctuating levels of hope plateauing into confusion. Yup – that is the reality of 7dp5dt. Hope is an estranged friend. My husband and I have become extreme realists… Continue reading High hopes & expectations – Black holes & revelations

Fertility Clinic Stories · Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

In vivo forces (IVF)

TWW, PUPO, FET, ICSI, IVF, POAS, HCG, 6DP5DT - I find myself on the edge of Google - in limbo once again, drifting between moments of complete calm and panicky 5 minute attacks of overanalysing symptoms meant to only confuse. We had two embryo shooting stars transferred back into their galaxy last week Tuesday and… Continue reading In vivo forces (IVF)

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Two moons in the sky

My toes leave the ground; My atoms float in limbo. My clothes in a heap on the ground; My goodbye - without a sound. My heart loses its rhythm, its signal; My thoughts evaporate and expand. My carbon rearranges in a black hole And I become Hydrogen, I become Helium. -------------------------------------------------------- A life changing moment… Continue reading Two moons in the sky

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy · Scientifically Speaking

Serotonin Switches

When you get a new car or you borrow a friend's car, your foot still has to learn the exact pressure needed to accelerate  (without looking like a rude show off) and the exact pressure needed to brake smoothly (without looking like an anxious learner driver).  Not only am I learning to enjoy my new car which I inherited from… Continue reading Serotonin Switches

Infertility schmertility

My rollercoaster hit a low curve…

"Here is a pic of what our little blastocysts look like!" I boasted on family message groups and Instagram like the mad scientist I am. I walked around with a stupid grin on my face all of Saturday. I even smiled broadly at pregnant ladies and high fived some kids in the grocery shop. Sunday… Continue reading My rollercoaster hit a low curve…

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Secret stress & panic rooms

It happens unexpectedly. At 4 o'clock in the morning I wake from a dream where a panel of ex-boyfriends are told that I'm infertile and that they all probably dodged the same wonky, polycystic bullet. The grandfather clock chimes: 04:15 - I start thinking about managing the lab team since our boss is on leave… Continue reading Secret stress & panic rooms