Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy · Scientifically Speaking

A 12 week wait

My husband and I never allowed ourselves to consider life after a positive pregnancy test. We avoided discussions about names, parenting styles and pregnancy announcements. I stopped imagining a pregnant belly the moment I walked into the fertility clinic and realised that I might never experience pregnancy except in warped dreams. Averting my eyes when… Continue reading A 12 week wait

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Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Sun showers and silver linings

When Oom (Uncle) Jan and his wife came to stay with us the week of my Dad-in-law’s funeral, we kept on making jokes about his absolutely terrible ring tone on his phone. Every time it rang, we started laughing hysterically – it was the sound of a siren remixed with an old school rave beat.… Continue reading Sun showers and silver linings

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy · Scientifically Speaking

Midstream in the Midlands

It wasn’t just emotion inspired by a progesterone over dosage but emotion inspired by a truly beautiful view from our bedroom. Last weekend, my husband and I went away for a romantic getaway to the Drakensberg (Dragon mountain), a mighty mountain range stretching 1000km across three South African provinces. We stayed in a lakeside cabin… Continue reading Midstream in the Midlands

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

On the outside, looking in

In primary school, I was already well aware that I was a nerdy hippie. I always seemed to have the wrong clothes, uncool suitcase and dorky interests - luckily our parents raised my siblings and me to be confidently weird and to be proud of our unique characteristics. As an adult I realised that every… Continue reading On the outside, looking in

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

High hopes & expectations – Black holes & revelations

I wouldn’t call it a proper nervous breakdown… no tears have been shed, no chocolates destroyed. It is more of a mini symptom Googling attack, followed by fluctuating levels of hope plateauing into confusion. Yup – that is the reality of 7dp5dt. Hope is an estranged friend. My husband and I have become extreme realists… Continue reading High hopes & expectations – Black holes & revelations

Fertility Clinic Stories · Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

In vivo forces (IVF)

TWW, PUPO, FET, ICSI, IVF, POAS, HCG, 6DP5DT - I find myself on the edge of Google - in limbo once again, drifting between moments of complete calm and panicky 5 minute attacks of overanalysing symptoms meant to only confuse. We had two embryo shooting stars transferred back into their galaxy last week Tuesday and… Continue reading In vivo forces (IVF)

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Embryo lullabye

Your lullabye consists of: the humming of your freezer crib, gossip & glassware chiming in the lab, traffic & sirens on Sandton highways, desperate couples whispering softly. ☆ Your dreams consist of: what ifs, what nots, what have yous, talents realised, laughter felt, your parents' love for your detail, planets hurtling through space. ☆ My… Continue reading Embryo lullabye

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Two moons in the sky

My toes leave the ground; My atoms float in limbo. My clothes in a heap on the ground; My goodbye - without a sound. My heart loses its rhythm, its signal; My thoughts evaporate and expand. My carbon rearranges in a black hole And I become Hydrogen, I become Helium. -------------------------------------------------------- A life changing moment… Continue reading Two moons in the sky

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy · Scientifically Speaking

Serotonin Switches

When you get a new car or you borrow a friend's car, your foot still has to learn the exact pressure needed to accelerate  (without looking like a rude show off) and the exact pressure needed to brake smoothly (without looking like an anxious learner driver).  Not only am I learning to enjoy my new car which I inherited from… Continue reading Serotonin Switches

Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Jeep. Sunday drive. Sunshine. Discussing life.

Drive to Hartbeespoortdam “Harties”, North-West province – 58km, 1 hour My husband and I decided to test out his snazzy new Jeep and took a drive to Hartbeespoortdam this past Sunday. It's a scenic drive between the Magaliesberg mountains and thorny green bushveld, very popular among motorbike fanatics. The rest of us non-motorbike fanatics love… Continue reading Jeep. Sunday drive. Sunshine. Discussing life.