Please accept my apologies for only starting to recycle this year and for not always responding to messages on time. I would also like to apologise for hiding that Lindt chocolate slab in my bedroom, not sharing it with my husband and dad-in-law and feigning surprise when they couldn’t find it. I’m sorry for being lazy, especially when I cannot afford it. My apologies for being cowardly about phoning people but having no trouble to stand up in front of a full room – I know it’s ridiculous! I’m sorry for not respecting my own biology by passionately avoiding exercise and waiting too long to have kids.
I would like to make a case for why you should grant us the privilege of having our own children. My husband’s family has amazing running genes and it would be such a tragedy not to pass it on. Mr Rogue Scientist also has an amazing brain for logic and innovation. Evolutionary, for our species sake, in my opinion, it’s always a good strategic move to have fast (physical & mental) members in your zombie apocalypse team. As for me, I might have bad eyes and unnaturally big feet… but I play guitar, write poetry and make really awesome speeches at weddings. Furthermore, as a geneticist, I really appreciate the complexity of fertilisation, development and the amazing genius of mitosis. It would break my heart not to share my family’s creative genes.
We have massive and ancient trees in our garden and my husband has the skill to build a really fancy tree house, complete with a weather monitoring system, surround sound and a pully based elevator. We also have many dark corners to hide magical worlds. Every year, my husband and I build a new Christmas tree. One year, we had a baobab tree with photos of friends and family and this year we’re planning a tree with wood turned decorations. We love theme parties and promise to allow our little girl to fly model helicopters and have a space themed bedroom. We would support our little boy if he wants to watch a Bieber concert (not without some bad parent jokes) or write his own plays.
We would teach our children to be open minded, to have empathy, to do their best and to be confident.
We appreciate the mystery, complexity and uncertainty of carbon-based life but we are appealing to your sense of empathy, fairness and good humour. Please Universe… I pray, beg, bargain and cry for some mercy and some magic.