Infertility schmertility · Metaphysics and philosophy

Wondering, wandering, wonderful wonder woman

What do you do when you don’t know what to do? No, uh… I’m asking you! I don’t quite know how to stumble forward. I am incredibly confused. I don’t know what to write and so I force myself to start a story without plot, heroes or… even high school vampires. I start washing a plate, then get distracted when I realise the dustbin is full, interrupted by a thought about groceries I forgot to buy. I don’t know what to answer when somebody asks me how my father-in-law is doing. If I’m too honest, I can see the discomfort fidgeting in their eyes. I don’t know what to answer when somebody asks me about our fertility treatments. I have resorted to just shaking my head and gulping away emotions, I don’t understand.

I didn’t go to work on Monday because I had my 3rd flu attack/outbreak/epidemic of the year. I don’t usually take sick leave, but this particular strain of man flu (I got it from my husband & father-in-law, so it’s concentrated) mixed with severe depression & cookie cravings is a strange mental challenge. I didn’t go to work on Tuesday because my car keys were trapped in my husband’s car. I had a hectic panic attack because I had to go to clinic, so I took a very expensive Über in the midst of traffic and made it with 5 minutes to spare! The doctor laughed and told me how he lost his phone in the garden. I decided to continue to recover from my flu and spent the morning with my mom and sister. I tried to go to work on Wednesday… but we have strike action at our labs and I couldn’t get in because they locked, blocked and barricaded all the entrances! Scientists are very resourceful strikers… armed with interchangeable locks and superglue! The universe is trying to force me to take it easy and recover from my confusion.

On Tuesday afternoon I went to see Wonder Woman, just me and a huge ass bowl of buttered popcorn. I absolutely loved it! It was great to see a female superhero with a good back story, awesome fight scenes, a tragic love story and amazing villians. She was smart, likeable and one hardcore leader. I felt incredibly inspired. 

I walked through the mall thinking how each superhero had a terrible tragedy which calibrated their moral compass and became their fuel to fight for justice. Unfortunately, so did the villains! Batman lost his parents, Magneto became disillusioned with the world, Neo found out that reality is an illusion. Maybe these tragedies we’re experiencing are those that make it possible for us to become wonder women.

I walked through the supermarket, doing a bit of grocery shopping and I thought, if I was a superhero, they would probably edit out this scene – it seems so mundane and… human. But then I saw a flash of gold underneath the sleeve of the woman next to me reaching for a box of spaghetti. Did I see right? Were those bulletproof armour bracelets?

The women buying Tunamate (just add tuna) has sexy leather boots and a shield hidden underneath her winter coat. The guy with 2 bored kids and 2 trolleys of groceries looks exhausted but tonight when everyone is asleep, he’ll patrol the neighborhood, baby monitor in his back jean pocket. The woman in front of me at the cashier bought 10 2liter bottles of fresh milk. Is she taking them to an orphanage? The guy behind me bought 3 packs of chicken and 2 cakes. Is he organising a surprise party for his grandmother?

I’m a wonder woman, a complete mess, feeling lost and overwhelmed, on the edge… of greatness. It’s that moment in the movie when the wonder woman realises it’s time to decide whether she’s going to be a hero or not.

I went to the clinic this morning: I have one follicle at 17mm and my lining is 8.8 cm. Trigger to be done on Saturday; IUI #2 on Monday morning. 

I dropped of my injections at home because I don’t trust the protesters outside of my labs. I parked outside our building, they hit against my windows, shouting aggresively: “We’ll damage your car!”. I used my electric force field to push them aside. I got out of my car, picked it up and threw it into the crowd. My little car morphed into a massive explosion. People started running away, terrified, their chants & boards forgotten. I ripped off my jeans & jersey to reveal my tight outfit of leather & high heeled boots, the words “Rogue Scientist”, stitched in gold. I collected some people, who were trying to get into the building, in my arms, flied over the gates and dropped them safely inside. I raised my hands to the sky and commanded the clouds to form rain clouds over our building and the storm forced the rest of the protesters to disperse, disappointed. As a last supernatural act, my truth serum forced the corrupted managers in our company to confess their crimes and pay the scientists what they deserve.

I am, The Rogue Scientist, and I will be strong, when I can’t be and I will be strong for those who can’t be.

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8 thoughts on “Wondering, wandering, wonderful wonder woman

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